I'm On My Period (Part 3)

I find it funny... in the back of my mind I'm haunted with this image of a timer counting down till the moment someone else loses faith in me and moves away from what I'm doing. I had a certain co-DJ whom I had big plans for, turn away from what I'm doing to pursue another doing the same things that's much BIGGER and BETTER than me! Excuse me, but, where's the loyalty? Haven't I at least earned that?

I suppose at some point I have to bite the bullet and think maybe God hasn't been hyping me up for all this good stuff that I've been dreaming about. Oh but believe me, this isn't the gloom-and-doom SA who's poured out all his drama like he usually does! No, I'm being very transparent actually. I'm being honest. THIS-IS what goes on in my life, I'm not embellishing. Can you blame me for being at least a bit upset? How would you feel for having good intentions raising a community of strong believers together, and having everyone beat on you all the time for not performing to their expectations? If you don't, you don't have their support. You're the one ignored, the one laughed at. Your right hand cuts your left hand off, as the scripture says. Oh, but I didn't expect the Bible to actually mean what it said! Foolish me!

You know something, it's not funny! I've been fighting the good fight for so long but it's becoming clear to me that I NEED TO STOP trying to please people. If nobody can see how good a thing Death2Self really is, then I'm not gonna work my butt off to try and get them to believe in me. Go ahead and miss out on a good thing, it will be your own conscious fault for not supporting someone in need when that someone had fully supported you.

It's one of those things where "if you can't get something done right, you have to do it yourself"... I've asked for help, they've confirmed wanting to help me, are committed... but never come through, or it comes with conditions. Heck, I don't want that kind of help anyway, but that's all I get.

Now take a look at my schedule: D2S FEST only one month away... the ground work is taken care of in fact we only have a few more things to do... but I'm having to sacrifice my time with my music to go out to churches everywhere to spread the word. At this rate, I won't have any new material for my show! I'm having to do everything....everything... yay....

This is to the generic, I've had maaaany people step on my toes, so this is just in general... at work, at home, online, in ministry, all around.... the human populous is a pitiful, pitiful thing... granted, I have a ton of my own faults... but my heart is for people... I only wanted to make something out of myself... and this ministry.

Thank you for not believing in me. (Oooh, looks like I'm trying to get you to feel guilty - GASP! What an evil man!)

Bah, pay no mind to me... I'm on my period.